


The Things You Never Said

by seasidh



Series: After the Happy Ending [1]
Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Romance, period related homophobia, some rough sex, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:10:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasidh/pseuds/seasidh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sidney comes to visit Eugene in Florida and puts his foot in it with Snafu. Awkwardness ensues. Canon-divergent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat based off of ideas that grew out of the Roadverse 'fics. I kind of became obsessed with "but what happened after they moved to Florida" and then this happened. If you haven't read that series, you don't have to, but you should. Just because they're great. Alright. Awesome.
> 
> Un-beta'd, any mistakes are mine. And it is my first fic ever so apologies all around.

It was a Friday evening in February when Snafu found himself doing the dishes and cleaning up after dinner. Sidney Phillips was coming to visit and Eugene had left about a half hour earlier to pick him up from the train station. Snafu wasn’t exactly bitter about this visit, but he wasn’t thrilled either. In the years of his relationship with Eugene, Snafu had finally gotten over those bouts of intense jealousy over Phillips but that jealousy had been replaced with a weary sort of annoyance. Phillips was one of those people - like almost everyone in Eugene’s life who was close to him - who viewed Eugene’s life as this sad thing needing to be fixed. He saw the good choir boy Eugene unsettled, without a good woman, and no prospects in his life and felt fear and pity. Snafu could relate to the sentiment, the desire for Eugene to be happy and content, but unlike everyone else, he knew that ‘happy and content’ didn’t mean a comfy 9 to 5 job, a house with a white picket fence, a beautiful wife, 2.5 children and a dog to Eugene. Somewhere in their 5 years together Eugene had finally managed to get it into Snafu’s head that for him, ‘happy and content’ meant research at the university and wildlife walks and drawing birds and somehow - somehow - a skinny cajun with a mess of dark curls and a dangerous grin.

Everyone else looked at Eugene’s life and saw him continuing with school long after he should have been done. They saw him either ignoring or simply oblivious to all the pretty girls who tried to flirt with him and made googly eyes at him. They saw a friendship with a man that made no sense and went well beyond what it should have, a friendship that took them through two different states and finally moved the both of them to Florida. They tsked and they said ‘ _we disapprove of this_ ’ and ‘ _why are you doing this?_ ’ and ‘ _why him?_ ’ in all their roundabout words and their sharp glances and their heavy silences. They glared at Snafu and clipped their words and cut their eyes and he could feel their thoughts, their judgements, pressing in on him and sometimes he wanted to shatter their image of their sweet, precious, innocent Eugene. Alright, maybe there was a touch of bitterness added to his annoyance. These thoughts were bumping around his mind while he rinsed the dishes and set them in the rack to dry. He was already preparing to be on the defensive. Here he was being downright fucking domestic and this wasn’t even new for him. He and Eugene always took turns cooking and cleaning up now. This was the happy little space he and Eugene had carved out for themselves and he found he resented having to shutter himself off now. He stared at the soapy water and was grateful that Phillips was staying in a hotel for his visit. He’d be here for an hour or two, they’d go to the bar, they’d drink, and then he’d go to this hotel and they’d go home and no one had to play pretend for a few hours. Just as he was pulling the plug on the sink the door opened. Snafu checked his watch and frowned, he wasn’t really expecting them so soon. He walked around the counter to the front door and all he saw was Phillips’ suitcase.

***

Eugene dropped his keys in the bowl on the stand by the door and stepped aside to let Sid in to their apartment. Just as he was closing the door behind Sid, Snafu came around the corner from the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. Eugene registered the look of panic on his face when he eyed Sid’s suitcase before he shuttered that emotion away and replaced it with that unnerving smile. “Well hi there Phillips.” he drawled. “Welcome ta Florida.”

 

Gene practically felt Sid bristle next to him and sighed inwardly.

 

Sid nodded by way of acknowledgement. “Shelton.”

 

Eugene kicked off his shoes and smiled at the two men who were eyeing each other warily. Clearly he was going to have to be the adult here. “So!” he turned to Snafu, “Sid’s hotel apparently overbooked and since he showed up so late, he’s been bumped. Apparently there’s a conference or something in town and it seems that pretty much everyone is full up. I told him he could stay here, I hope that’s alright with you.”

 

Snafu shrugged and tossed his head to the living area. “Sure, why not. He can take my room, I’ll crash on the couch.” He grinned in Sidney’s direction. “Unless you wanna cuddle up with Sledgehamma’ here Phillips. You can always bunk wit' him.”

 

Sidney glared at Snafu briefly and then turned to Sledge. “Look, I don’t want to put you guys out. I can sleep on the couch tonight and-”

 

“Sid, take Shelton’s room. It’s fine.”

 

“No, seriously, I don’t want to be-”

 

Snafu stepped forward and clapped Sidney on the back, smiling more genuinely now. “Phillips! Relax! I’m jus’ raggin’ ya. Take my room, it’s fine.” With one hand around Sidney’s shoulders he deftly scooped up his suitcase with the other and started leading Sidney to what was ultimately just the spare room.

 

When searching for an apartment after Eugene had gotten into the graduate program at the University of Florida they had agreed that they should find a two bedroom. Although they’d be anonymous here, two bachelors sharing an apartment would raise less suspicions if there were two bedrooms. They rarely had company but on the off chance of someone stopping by unannounced they had gone through the trouble of setting up the extra bedroom with a bed and at least somewhat trying to make it look like a room someone would sleep in. Though as of yet, no one had.

 

“Yer in luck Phillips, it was laundry day so I even got fresh sheets down and everything.” Eugene heard Snafu say as he guided Sidney to the bedroom.

***

An hour later the three of them were sitting around a table at a local bar that was a favourite hang out of the university students. They each had a few beers and after a few awkward starts they were finally starting to settle into a comfortable conversation. Although they had never once spoken about it, Eugene was sure that Sidney at least had an idea about what was going on between him and Shelton, and that he probably disapproved. So Eugene was glad that his friend still wanted to see him and spend time with him and although he’d often felt he’d lost Sid to a woman long ago, and had gotten used to not being as big a part of his life as he’d once been, he stilled missed his friend. Eugene asked him about how things had been since they’d last seen each other. How was work, how was Mary, wasn’t Abby’s wedding coming up soon? They laughed, and told ribald jokes, and when Snafu got up to grab them drinks from the bar Eugene didn’t even feel like Snafu was trying to escape.

 

“Looks like Snafu has an admirer.” Sid joked and nodded in the direction of the bar.

 

Eugene looked over to the bar and where a pretty, blonde university student was currently flirting with a disinterested Snafu. She giggled at something he said and playful rested her hand on his shoulder. Snafu looked at her, confused and vaguely annoyed, glanced down at the offending hand and gently took her wrist, lifting it from his shoulder. Eugene smiled fondly, Snafu never was very good with attention from women. “I don’t know that she’d be such an admirer if he actually tried to hit on her.” He joked but when he looked at Sidney’s face, he was frowning slightly. “What?”

 

Sid shook his head slightly and looked at his friend. “Nothing,” he shrugged, “I’m just surprised he’s turning down such a pretty girl.”

 

Eugene looked back at the girl and shrugged. “She’s not really his type.”

 

“Oh?” Sid cocked his head to the side. “And what exactly is his type then?”

 

Eugene laughed, and maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just that he was here with two people he loved and dammit he felt good, but he was surprised to hear himself say: “He’s partial to redheads.”

 

Sidney didn’t find it as funny as he did, but before he could say anything Snafu had jostled his way back to their table and was depositing their drinks in front of them. “Drink up boys, this is some fine whiskey and it ain’t gonna drink itself.” He settled himself back in his chair and Eugene noted the way Sid’s eyes tracked his arm as it found it’s way to the back of Eugene’s chair. Snafu had noticed too and was smirking lightly. He seemed to find the look on Sid’s face amusing.

 

“So Mr. Phillips,” he drawled, popping the fricatives and drawing out the sibilants. “when can we expect to be calling you Dr. Phillips eh?”

 

Eugene was grateful. Although the way he said it suggested he wanted to keep bugging Sid, the topic itself was benign and helped to ease the tension again. They sipped their drinks - more of a gulp and less of a sip in Snafu’s case - and eased back into safe waters.

***

Snafu was pleased with himself. He had managed to traverse the minefield that was any conversation with Phillips with relative ease and, damn if he didn’t say so himself, even grace. The night was going well. They were all laughing, Eugene was genuinely happy, and they had managed to make it through the night with relatively few awkward silences that were inevitably filled with all the things none of them were saying. So when one of Eugene’s classmates shyly approached them and tapped Eugene on the shoulder, smiling awkwardly and asking Eugene if he maybe wanted to dance with her Snafu didn’t even bat an eye.

 

Eugene was in the process of politely declining, explaining that an old friend from Alabama had come to visit, when Snafu clapped him on the back. “Where are those legendary Southern manners Sledgehamma?” He smiled up at the nervous girl. “Surely you can’t deny the lady one dance, Phillips here will understand.”

 

Eugene shot him a glare but knew by this point, the girl would be crestfallen if he didn’t go with her. He sighed and got up, “Well, when you put it that way.” He plastered a polite smile on his face and followed the girl out to the dance floor.

 

Snafu watched them go and chuckled as he turned around, but when he caught the look on Phillips’ face, his stomach dropped and he slightly regretted urging Eugene to dance with the girl.

 

Phillips caught his eye and they stared at each other for a long moment until Sidney sighed and leaned forward in his chair, leaning his elbows on the table and staring hard at Snafu. “He could have that you know.” He jerked his head towards them. “Dancing, out in public, at a bar. He could have that, and a big fancy wedding with all his friends and family. People who love him, and support him. Kids. Grandkids. Something, normal. Acceptable. Instead he has,” Sidney’s face contorted and he gestured uselessly at Snafu. “You. And this..whatever this is.”

 

Snafu, for his part, didn’t respond. He just kept his eyes focused on Sidney’s face as he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and exhaled in a slow puff of smoke. His blood was boiling and his heart was racing, but he didn’t let it show. He just grinned around his cigarette and nursed his growing anger.

 

After he returned to the table Eugene noticed the mood had shifted considerably. He made a few feeble attempts at conversation but when they all fell flat he figured they might as well call it a night.

***

When they returned to the apartment Sid went straight to his room and closed the door. Snafu grabbed his wrist and dragged him to their shared room. He closed the door and regarded Eugene with dark eyes. “Mer, what are you-” before he could finish Snafu had grabbed his face and kissed him hard, spinning them around and pinning him to the door.

 

One hand was gripping the back of his neck and the other was tangled in his hair, tugging roughly. Snafu was kissing him like he hadn't tasted him in a lifetime and was starving. He crowded even closer to Eugene, taking his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling while he shoved his knee between Eugene's legs, rocking his hips into him.

 

He dragged his lips down Eugene’s jaw, kissing his neck and licked a stripe up to his ear. He sucked the lobe into his mouth and nibbled gently. “I need you.” He whispered into Eugene’s ear.

 

Eugene knew he should push him off, chide him that Sidney was just in the other room but instead he found his hands on Snafu’s hips, pulling him closer. Grinding himself down on the knee pressed between his legs. Snafu was pulling at his shirt, tugging it over his head and his lips crashed back into Eugene’s, his tongue licking it’s way into his mouth. Eugene’s hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they clutched at Snafu’s ass, rutting himself helplessly against Snafu’s leg. He gasped into Snafu’s mouth. “We shouldn’t, Sid’s right there.” He whispered against his lips.

 

“I don’t give a fuck about Sidney Phillips.” Snafu growled and turned, shoving Sledge onto the bed.

 

Snafu crawled over him and eyed him hungrily and Eugene shivered under that intense gaze. Snafu unhooked the button of Eugene's pants and gripped the waistband, tugging harshly, freeing Eugene from pants and all. As Snafu pulled his pants off Eugene knew this was going to be one of those nights where he was the object of Shelton’s intense focus. When Shelton latched his mouth onto Eugene’s neck and bit down, his blunt fingernails drawing marks down his sides, Eugene found he didn’t mind and arched up into his touch.

 

As Snafu kissed and licked and bit his way around Eugene's chest, Eugene's hands scrabbled at the fabric of his t-shirt, trying to find purchase in the thin material so he could pull it off. He needed to touch more skin. Snafu hissed at the loss of contact when he had to lift his head from his ministrations to let Eugene pull his shirt off. While his head was up he eyed his handiwork, the patchwork of light bruises forming on Eugene's neck and chest. He sat back on his haunches, his thighs trapping Eugene's, and lightly trailed his fingers over the planes of smooth skin before him. Mapping Eugene's body was one of his favourite hobbies and he suspected it always would be. He trailed his fingers, whisper light, down through the soft hair on Eugene's belly, leading to his cock and grinned at Eugene's sharp inhale of breath. Eugene's hands were clutching at Shelton's jean clad thighs. Shelton's hands continued their journey lower, and spread out on Eugene's thighs. Eugene whined low in his throat and threw his head back against the pillow, screwing his eyes shut. Snafu chuckled low "For someone who was so worried about precious Sidney's sensibilities you sure are eager for me to get on with it."

 

Eugene glared at him and propped himself up on one elbow while his other hand reached for Snafu's zipper.

 

Snafu swatted his hand away and splayed his own hand on Eugene's chest, pushing him onto his back and leaning over him to mouth at the head of his cock in one fluid motion.

 

Eugene ground his teeth together and moaned. "God, Mer, please."

 

He brought his hands up and buried them in Snafu's hair as Snafu dipped his head and took as much of Eugene into his mouth as he could. Eugene's hips stuttered as he tried not to buck up into Snafu's mouth and Snafu turned his eyes up to Eugene's face. He smirked as he wrapped his hand around the base of Eugene's cock, and worked in a counter rhythm to his mouth, twisting his wrist up to meet his lips and then down as he hollowed his cheeks and sucked. Eugene for his part tightened his grip on Snafu's hair and sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, his eyes locked on the sight before him.

 

Before long his breath was hitching and he panted: "Shit, if you keep going I'm going to come."

 

Shelton smirked around his dick and removed his hand but didn't stop the motions of his mouth, dragging the flat of his tongue across the sensitive tip before pushing his head down. Eugene gripped his hair harder and pulled Shelton’s head off with a wet slurping noise. Shelton sat back with his hands on his knees and his slow smile spreading across his face as Eugene twisted and grabbed the lube from the nightstand.

 

"Well now Sledgehamma," Snafu grinned, "what would dear Sidney think?"

 

Eugene threw the lube at Snafu's face and growled. "Just shut up and fuck me, you ass."

 

Snafu chuckled and slapped Eugene playfully on the hip. He got up off the bed and started taking off his pants. "Well if you say so, but roll over," his eyes flashed dangerously, "get on your hands and knees."

 

Eugene rolled over and felt the bed dip next to him and then Snafu was laying himself over his back, the hard line of his erection pressing between Eugene's cheeks. Snafu reached forward and splayed his fingers against Eugene's jaw, pulling his head back. He leaned forward and whispered hotly against Eugene's ear: "I want to make you scream tonight."

 

Eugene shivered and bucked his hips back against Shelton. He knew he shouldn't be so excited, that he should keep his wits about him and not make too much noise, but his dick was throbbing and Snafu's slicked up fingers were circling his entrance and as the first digit pushed inside he gripped the headboard and bowed his back, arching into Shelton’s touch.

 

By the time Shelton had three fingers in Eugene was a whimpering, mewling mess. Following no pattern or reason - so Eugene could never anticipate it - Snafu would crook his fingers and hit that sweet spot and Eugene would have to bite his arm to muffle his groans. “Nng, fuuuck Shelton, please, just...god, please.” He panted incoherently. Snafu chuckled behind him and he felt him rub his slicked up erection between his cheeks.

 

“Tell me what you want Gene.” He splayed his hand against his hip and kept rutting against him.

 

Eugene dropped his head against the headboard, savouring the coolness of the wood. It was all too much and not enough, his dick was pulsing painfully, his muscles were twitching, his breath was heaving and Shelton was calm and cool behind him. Eugene could practically see the smug look on his face. “I want you to fuck me!” He snapped, thrusting his hips back in time with Snafu’s pace. He glanced back over his shoulder and made eye contact with Snafu. “Please, Merriell…”

 

Snafu’s jaw snapped shut and he shivered, Eugene knew it would do the trick. Before he could blink Snafu was pressed against his entrance and Eugene moaned low in his throat as Snafu slowly sank inside him until he pressed flush against his back. Eugene found the tethers on his voice had loosened. “Ah, fuck, yes Mer.” He ground out as he thrust his hips backwards, arching his back, helping Snafu to hit the right spot. Snafu’s fingers were digging painfully into his hips and the bright sparks of pain mixed with the sweet, hot, fullness had Eugene gasping.

 

Snafu spread his hand up Eugene’s back, gently gripping his shoulder and leaned forward, resting his forehead between Eugene’s shoulder blades. “Fuck, Gene,” he muttered, pressing his lips to Eugene’s back in a gentle kiss.

 

In the cacophony in his head, Eugene could only vaguely hear the roar of blood in his ears, the guttural moans of Shelton, the slap of flesh on flesh and his own whimpered moans and then suddenly Snafu’s hand was wrapped around his cock again and there was nothing. Just the feel of their bodies pressed together and their breath mingling. As Snafu’s pace became more erratic his fist tightened around his cock and Eugene’s world narrowed to a pinpoint and he cried out as he spilled over Snafu’s fist and onto the bed below him. Snafu followed him shortly after with a cry of his own, gripping Eugene’s shoulder and shuddering above him.

 

Eugene was still clinging to the headboard as Snafu pulled out and shakily reached for the washcloth in the nightstand. He gave them a cursory rubdown and swiped feebly in the general area of where Eugene had spilled onto their bed before he collapsed next to Eugene. Eugene found it in him to flop down next to Snafu.

 

“Not that I’m complaining, cause we haven’t fucked like that in a bit, and it was amazing, but where did that come from?” He asked, looking over at Snafu.

 

Snafu shrugged self consciously and looked away.

 

Eugene cocked an eyebrow. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the awkwardness I walked into with you and Sidney at the bar would it?”

 

Snafu tossed his arm over his face, hiding his eyes in the crook of his elbow and shrugged again.

 

Eugene rolled over on his side, pulling Snafu’s arm off his face and taking his hand. “What did he say?”

 

Snafu’s eyes flickered up to his briefly and then he dropped them.

 

“Snaf, what did he say?” Eugene asked more forcefully.

 

Snafu rolled his head to the ceiling and let out an exasperated sigh but he squeezed Eugene’s hand. “Same ol’ shit that no one says.” Snafu clenched his jaw and looked at his hand, clasped in Eugene’s. “Just that I’m getting in the way of you having a ‘normal life.’ That you should be wit’ somebody you can be wit’ in public, happy an’ married an’ wit kids an' all that. Ya know?” He finally dared to look in Eugene’s face and was surprised to see the anger there.

 

“Who the fuck does he think he is?” Eugene pulled himself into a sitting position, his back leaning against the headboard. “No one can say one word to me, he’s never had the courage to speak to me about it, but he goes and says petty, ignorant shit to you?”

 

Snafu was regretting saying anything. He sat up and took Eugene in his arms, running his hands down his back soothingly. “Dun worry about it Gene.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to Eugene’s hair. “I was pissed, sure, but I’m ova’ it. I got more’n I deserve here.”

 

Eugene pressed his face into Shelton’s neck and inhaled deeply. “I love you Mer.”

 

Snafu closed his eyes against the hot pinpricks building there. He was never good with this feelings shit. He loved Eugene, sure, fiercely, but he was never good at saying it. He was even worse at hearing it.

 

Snafu slid them down in the bed, cradling Eugene’s head on his shoulder but he didn’t trust his voice to speak, so instead he just nodded brusquely.

 

Eugene splayed his hand against Shelton’s heart. “I know.” He murmured and pressed himself closer, closing his eyes and allowing himself to drift off to sleep in Snafu’s arms.

***

It was 7:30 in the morning and Sidney was lying in this unfamiliar bed staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. He hadn’t slept well. When they arrived back at the apartment he found he was bone weary and couldn’t even bring himself to look at Eugene to say goodnight. Of course, as soon as he crawled into bed, despite the exhaustion dragging at his limbs, he couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing. Tonight with Snafu was the closest he had ever come to just outright saying ‘I know what’s going on here.’ Why didn’t he say it to Eugene? He sighed. That was easy. He wasn’t angry with Eugene. He didn’t understand it and it made him uncomfortable, but he was only _afraid_ for Eugene. He was angry with Snafu. Eugene was his best friend, and Snafu was going to get him hurt or worse. If Snafu just left - “ _Eugene would be heartbroken_.” his mind helpfully supplied. " _No, Eugene would get over it and move on and put this ugly stretch of time behind him, finally._ " He laughed bitterly. He was literally arguing with himself. It was around this time that he heard the bed creak in the room next to him. He stilled and strained his ears, listening to the quiet. Then it came, muted words he couldn't quite make out, a groan, the squeak of bedsprings. " _Eugene must be having a nightmare._ " he thought. The squeak of the bedsprings and the gentle thud of something hitting the wall became more rhythmic, a stuttered "ahh, fuck." drifted through the walls. Sidney curled up on his side and slammed his pillow over his face. " _It's just a nightmare._ " he repeated over and over like a mantra in his mind.

 

In the early morning light it was easy to convince himself of that. He sighed and got up, clearly he wasn't getting any more sleep. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and threw a t-shirt on before leaving the room.

 

All of the men in this apartment were former marines with highly tuned internal clocks that didn't often allow for the luxury of sleeping in. Because of this Sidney wasn't surprised to find Snafu, already dressed and in the kitchen. He was surprised at the smell of eggs and coffee however.

 

He rubbed at his eyes again as he walked into the small kitchen area. "Did you make breakfast Shelton?"

 

Snafu checked his face warily and then, satisfied with whatever he saw there turned back to the eggs on the stove. "It's just eggs an' toast Phillips." he rolled his eyes. "Ain't like I made fucking eggs Hussarde or some shit." He grabbed a plate from next to the stove and shovelled some eggs on it, handing the plate to Sidney. "Toast is on that counter over there and joe's almost done."

 

Sidney tried not to feel uncomfortable that Shelton was serving him breakfast but it was so at odds with the image of the man he had in his head.

 

As he was buttering his toast he heard the door to Eugene's bedroom open and the sound of Eugene's feet padding across the floor to the kitchen. When Eugene walked into view Sidney nearly choked and he felt a blush creeping up his face. He glanced over at Shelton who was also staring at Eugene, Sidney watched his Adam's apple bob up and down in his throat quickly then Snafu hurriedly turned back to the stove.

 

Eugene didn’t seem to notice that both men had briefly stopped still and stared at him as he swiped blearily at his eyes. He certainly seemed unconcerned with what had shocked both Shelton and Sidney.

 

Eugene’s pyjama bottoms were slung low on his hips, exposing his slender hip bones and he was shirtless. Sidney could see a flush of what were undeniably fingermarks along his hips. Down his neck, across his collarbones and down his chest was a trail of reddish splotches and his sides had fading red marks dragging down them. " _So not a nightmare_ " Sid's traitorous mind decided to pipe up.

 

Sidney noticed as Eugene came into the kitchen and took a plate of breakfast from Snafu that they exchanged a look. Sidney couldn’t be sure what the look on Snafu’s face was, but he knew Eugene well enough to see the stubborn, defiant set of his mouth and shoulders.

 

They all grabbed their food and hot joe and sat awkwardly at the small table off the kitchen area. Snafu was sat next to Eugene, staring at his plate and Sidney saw him sneaking glances up at Eugene’s face. Eugene was busy heaping eggs on his toast and when he looked up and saw Sidney looking at him he smiled, though his smile was cold and it didn’t reach his eyes. Sidney’s anxiety was ramping up and he coughed awkwardly.

 

“So, Shelton, do you work today?” He asked, just to break the uncomfortable silence.

 

Snafu looked up at him and blinked rapidly. He opened his mouth uselessly and swung his head to Eugene, who was looking at him pleasantly. “Uh.” His jaw snapped shut and he looked back at Sidney, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I’m jes’ working at ta office today though. Don’t need ta be in as early.”

 

Sidney nodded. “That’s...nice.”

 

Eugene grinned at him. “Isn’t it? It’s nice he could join us for breakfast right Sid?”

 

Sidney was starting to get the feeling that he was in trouble for something. “Definitely.” He gestured at the half eaten breakfast in front of him. “Thanks for the breakfast by the way. It’s really great.”

 

“Like I said Phillips. It’s jus’ eggs an’ toast.” He took a big swig of his coffee. “An’ joe ah course. Now that, you can say thank you for.” He laughed.

 

“Yea, it’s not even truly awful.” Sidney cracked.

 

They continued ribbing each other gently and cracking jokes while they finished their breakfast. Eugene had become withdrawn and was just staring into his cup of coffee and that left it up to Sidney and Snafu - who seemed to both be equally perplexed by Eugene’s behaviour - to keep up the conversation. Finally Snafu glanced at the clock on the wall and stood up, grabbing the empty plates and carrying them to the kitchen. “Well, I oughta get ta work now.”

 

This broke Eugene out of his stupor. He jerked his head up and glanced around then settled his gaze on Sidney’s face. His gaze was hard and his mouth was set in a grim line. “Hey Mer,” he called over his shoulder, standing up. Snafu was depositing the plates in the sink and hummed in acknowledgement of Eugene’s call to him. He was just turning away from the sink to where he had left Eugene and Phillips when Eugene caught his face in his hands. Eugene had closed the short distance between them while Snafu’s back was turned and was now cradling his face in his hands, his eyes searching Snafu’s for a moment. Then he did the unthinkable and pressed forward, kissing Snafu. Snafu’s hands clutched uselessly at the empty air and he felt Eugene’s tongue press out, licking at Snafu’s lips, asking for entrance. Snafu never could deny Eugene anything and he parted his lips, gasping lightly into Eugene’s mouth. Eugene’s hands trailed down to his neck and then his back and Snafu couldn’t help but bring his arms up, carding his fingers through Eugene’s hair as Eugene deepened the kiss, licking into the corners of Snafu’s mouth, and bent Snafu back over the counter slightly. Finally Eugene took his bottom lip between his teeth and then broke the kiss. Snafu was breathing heavily and leaned his forehead against Eugene’s. Although Eugene had had a plan here, he couldn’t help but feel a wave of fondness for Shelton wash over him and he softened his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“Have a good day at work.” He murmured and pressed a chaste kiss to Snafu’s lips.

 

Snafu nodded mutely and cast a glance at Sidney, who was sitting at the table looking scandalized and horrified. “I’ll see you tonight.” He said to Eugene and couldn’t help but pull him in for one more kiss before grabbing his keys and leaving.

 

Eugene turned and gripped the counter, looking out the small window above the sink. Finally he turned to look at Sidney. “Do you want more coffee?” He asked, grabbing the coffee pot off the stove and walking back to the table. He poured himself another cup and raised his eyebrows at Sidney. “Well?”

 

Sid sputtered and coughed, unsure of how to respond. “Uh, yes, thank you.”

 

Eugene reached over and poured some more coffee into Sid’s mug, placed the pot down on a coaster and then took his seat again. He wrapped his hands around his mug and took a long moment before he spoke. “He told me what you said. Last night, at the bar. He told me.” He looked up and felt a surge of frustration that Sid was pointedly not meeting his gaze. “You’ve spent years dodging this, side-stepping any conversation about this, purposely not saying anything. So why now? Why to _him_? Why not to _me_?”

 

To his credit, Sidney’s voice was calm when he responded: “What was I supposed to say?”

 

Eugene blinked at him, his frustration twisting his features. “Anything! You could have said anything! You could have shared your concerns with me instead of going around my back and what, trying to scare him off?”

 

“Fine! You want me to say something? Then fine!” Sid shouted. “ _What_ are you doing? Honestly Gene, just what are you doing?” He leaned forward. “It’s been five years of this! Just, closing yourself off more and more, turning down every chance at a normal life and happiness and I’m just supposed to what? Be fine with that?”

 

“Happiness?” Eugene scoffed. “By whose definition? See that’s the problem Sid. Whose definition of happiness are we talking about here?” Eugene’s heart was pounding and his blood was roaring in his ears. He could deal with the tentative form of acceptance his parents had provided. He understood that them inviting Merriell to family holidays was a resigned acceptance. That a Christmas stocking with Mer’s name on it was as close to ‘ _you’re family too_ ’ as they were going to get. That when his mother ended a letter with ‘ _say hello to Merriell for me_ ’ she was saying ‘ _I understand he’s a part of your life_.’ Eugene could deal with that, but this limbo that he and Sidney were in was breaking and Eugene was glad for it. He’d make Sidney confront it head on and either accept it, or be done with him. Eugene was terrified he’d just be done with him, but he couldn’t take the not knowing any more. It had to be done, one way or another. “Cause that’s the thing Sid. You say happy, but I think you really mean ‘normal.’ You mean happy by how you define it. If you didn’t, you’d see that I _am_ happy.”

 

“How!” Sidney exploded. “How are you happy with...with him! Is this what you want? A life of just...hiding?”

 

Eugene slammed his hand on the table. “I shouldn’t have to hide!” He roared.

 

Sidney stared at him, mouth agape. “Are you insane? Do you realize how dangerous that is? What people would say? What people would _do_?” He shook his head. “I mean Jesus, it’s technically illegal!”

 

Eugene scoffed derisively. “Yea, it’s technically illegal any time your sweet wife sucks your dick too Sid but no one gives a shit about that.” At the look on Sid’s face Eugene softened. “I’m sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not even what I care about. I meant that," he took a shuddering breath, "I shouldn’t have to hide from you. From the people I care about.”

 

“What do you want from me Gene? Do you want me to say I’m okay with it? That I’m comfortable with the idea that you and Snafu have decided to go and be what? Homosexuals together?”

 

“I don’t give a shit if you’re comfortable with it or not. I just want you to make a decision. Either you accept it. You accept that I love him, and he loves me, and that this is what I want and you stop feeling like you have to fix it. Or you decide that you don't. That you don't accept me. And that's it.” Eugene ran his hands through his hair and sighed deeply. “Do you get how hard this is for me? For us?” He looked up at Sidney imploringly. “I mean Christ Sid. We have a spare room we can barely afford because what if the landlord drops by? We go out for dinner and see other couples holding hands, sitting close, and we just have to act like old pals. My peers and teachers have a get together and tell me “Oh, bring a date.” and I can’t bring anyone. Because the only person I want to bring, that I want to show up with on my arm, feeling fucking proud, I can’t bring. So I don’t. Shit, if he gets injured at work what do I do? Nothing! I can’t do anything! Sid, we have joined our lives together and have to rip them apart again every time we leave this place. So please, I’m begging you, do not come in here and try to tear it apart. Not when I just want you to be another place I don’t have to fucking pretend.” Eugene was dimly aware that he was crying but couldn’t be bothered to even wipe the tears away. Suddenly nothing but some sort of acknowledgement from Sidney was important.

 

It seemed like a lifetime before he said anything. “You really are the most stubborn son of a bitch I ever met, you know that right?” Sidney laughed weakly, finally meeting Eugene’s eyes.

 

Eugene let out a laugh that verged on a sob but he managed a smile. “I hear that a lot.”

 

Sid’s smile turned more genuine and he laughed again. “I bet. Shit, I actually feel sorry for Shelton. I don’t know how he puts up with you!”

 

Eugene’s smile turned mischievous. “Well…”

 

Before he could finish Sid grabbed a wadded up napkin and threw it at his face. “No! I don’t want to hear it! God! I heard enough last night! Just shut up!”

 

Eugene burst out laughing but didn’t say anything. He was content with this. Sid couldn’t just undo a lifetime of prejudice and conditioning but he could at least make this small concession for his best friend and that was enough for Eugene for now.

  
  
  


 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their talk in the kitchen, Sidney comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last part of Sidney's visit to Florida.
> 
> Trigger warning: use of the q-slur and period typical homophobia.

Chapter 2

 

After their conversation in the morning, Sid had helped Eugene clean up after breakfast and they went out to try and enjoy the day. Although both men suspected they each had more to say on the subject, neither could really bring themselves to disrupt whatever peace they’d managed to find and start the fight all over again. Eugene took him to the university for a tour and many times throughout the day Sid found himself wanting to ask Eugene one of the million questions running through his head, but he didn’t. At the sciences building, walking through the bustling halls, he’d look at Eugene’s profile from the corner of his eye, open his mouth, and then close it again. Strolling across the campus greens he’d stare at Eugene’s back, working up the nerve to say something, and then shake his head and jog to catch up with Eugene’s longer stride. Sitting across from him at Eugene’s favourite diner near the school he ripped up empty sugar packets and thought of ways to phrase his questions that wouldn’t sound ignorant or offensive, but he never gave them voice. It didn’t matter he decided. What could he say? He saw that Eugene was trying to move past their argument from the morning, but he knew that it wasn’t entirely resolved for either of them. Eugene had made his best effort throughout the afternoon. Walking him through the work he was doing at the university, his hands waving about with his excitement. Pointing out the different bird calls they heard throughout their walk of the campus. Introducing him to some of his fellow classmates and friends. All this time though, it was this thing hanging over them. Maybe it always would be. Sid wondered if maybe he was going about this the wrong way. Was there really a resolution to be found? Eugene had made it pretty clear what he wanted from him. Did that mean it was now up to Sid to decide where to go?

 

When Snafu got home Sid felt his tension ratchet up another notch. Knowing how to behave around Eugene all day had been difficult enough, but now this? Knowing how to behave around Eugene and Snafu, as Eugene Sledge and Merriell Shelton, the couple? That was entirely new territory for him. He felt caught between not wanting to offend Eugene, and the things he had always been told were right and wrong.

 

Snafu had come home and seemed to be testing the atmosphere, anxious about where things had been left after this morning. Seeing that it appeared that they had gone back to “not talking about it” he relaxed some and settled in to making dinner.

 

Sid watched the way they interacted as they prepared dinner together. Shelton had come home with pork chops and was currently preparing them to be fried up while Eugene cut potatoes. The kitchen was small at best, cramped at worst, but they maneuvered around each other with practiced ease.

 

Sid watched as Snafu leaned against the counter, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side, eyeing up the small mountain of potatoes building next to Eugene. “You cut anymore ah them potatoes Sledge and we gonna be eatin’ taters every meal fo’ the next month.” He drawled, leaning forward and putting his hand over Eugene’s on the knife. Eugene gripped the handle tighter briefly before looking up and meeting Shelton’s gaze.

 

“Right, sorry.” He mumbled.

 

An unreadable emotion flickered over Shelton’s face and he stepped forward, still covering Eugene’s hand, and placed his free hand gently on Eugene’s lower back. “S’okay. Lots we can do wit’ potatoes. I’ll make some of them potato pancakes my Ma used to make.”

 

Eugene laughed and if Shelton noticed a slight shake in it, he didn’t say anything. “Aren’t those supposed to be made with sweet potatoes?”

 

Snafu shrugged and turned back to the pork chops. “Snafu knows how to _imp-roh-vise_ Sledgehamma’” he threw over his shoulder, winking at Eugene.

 

Sidney watched the exchange with a growing sense of unease and shame. He didn’t know what to make of any of it, least of all his own feelings.

 

Dinner itself was tense. The food was amazing, Sidney had to admit that it seemed that Shelton had a gift for cooking. Not that he’d ever say that to his face - not that he thought that Shelton would want to hear it, even if he could say it to his face. The conversation however was lacking. Sidney politely complimented the meal, asked about Snafu’s day at work. In general, they made small talk. It was terrible. Shelton was not especially gifted at small talk, he seemed to barely tolerate it, and as for Eugene...Sidney had never expected to have to make small talk with Gene.

 

There was a time when he would have said he knew Eugene better than anyone, and that Eugene knew him just as well. Now, sitting across from this man, he realized he barely knew him at all. He bore a resemblance to the old Gene and Sidney could see the threads of his childhood best friend twined throughout this new person. His lopsided smile, the way he ducked his eyes when he made a self deprecating joke, the teasing glint in his eyes when he poked fun at him or Shelton, but he realized he didn’t know this man. Not the way he used to. He knew the things anyone would know about Eugene. That he was passionate about conservation, that he wanted to complete his Master’s, but the things close to Eugene’s heart were now a mystery to Sidney. Was that Shelton’s fault or his own? Sidney didn’t know and he felt a general sadness settle over him.

 

***

 

After everyone went to bed, Sidney he couldn’t sleep. He lay there tossing and turning, ruminating over his confused and conflicted thoughts. Finally he cast a glance at the clock and saw it was 2 o’clock in the morning. Sighing he got out of bed and went to the living room, looking for something to distract himself. When he got to the living room, he found he wasn’t alone. Shelton was standing on the small balcony - it was really more of an extra large windowsill with a railing around it - off their living room, smoking. Sidney decided to join him. He went out on the ledge and rested his elbows on the railing. Shelton looked at him from the corner of his eyes and held his pack of smokes out. Sidney shrugged and took one.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Shelton asked.

 

Sidney shook his head. “No. I’ve got...a lot on my mind.”

 

Shelton hummed. “I bet.”

 

They stood in silence for a moment, staring at the stars and blowing smoke into the night to be carried away with the gentle breeze. Finally Sidney opened his mouth. “You cheated on Gene.” He was surprised to hear himself say. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Shelton gave him a long look but didn’t reply. “Gene didn’t tell me, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

 

Snafu shook his head. “I wasn’t.”

 

Sidney turned to face him directly. “Why?”

 

“Why what, Phillips?”

 

“Why’d you do it? Eugene says-” he paused and closed his eyes. “Eugene says he loves you. Says you love him too. So, why?” He opened his eyes to find that Snafu wasn’t looking at him.

 

He was leaning hard on his elbows, resting on the railing, staring out into the dark like he hoped to find an answer there. Finally he flicked his cigarette butt into that darkness and ran his fingers through his hair. “Why?” he repeated Sidney’s question. “Does it really matter why?” He still refused to meet Sidney’s eyes. “I couldn’t explain it any better ta you than I could ta him Phillips. Fucking why?” He laughed bitterly. “I don’t know Phillips. ‘Cause back then I hated myself, and I hated them and it was a good way to keep from thinking.” He sighed. “I tried ta leave Sledge ya know? I told him ta go, just leave, an’ he wouldn’t. Stubborn fucking bastard. An’ shit maybe I hated him a little bit for that too.” He shrugged. “For thinking there was something worthwhile in me when I didn’t.”

 

Sid nodded. “Yea, he does that.” Eugene always had had a habit of seeing the best in people. “How many times?”

 

“More’n once. Doesn’t mattah how many.”

 

“Women? Or...men?” Sidney found it difficult to ask that. He still wasn’t used to the idea that he could say these things.

 

Snafu finally turned to look at him. Assessing Sidney’s face. He was irritated by this line of questioning but he marvelled at the fact that he didn’t want to just punch Phillips in the jaw and be done with it. “ _Eugene’s making me soft_.” He thought to himself. Snafu could tell that this wasn’t really what Sid wanted to talk to him about. He was just starting with the easy stuff - his anger with Snafu - and working his way up to something harder for him to verbalize. “Didn’t really mattah ta me Phillips, don’t know why it does to you.”

 

Sidney frowned and looked at the ground. “I don’t know either.” He flexed his hands and stared at them. Why did it matter to him? From that day that Eugene had confessed to him that he would be able to forgive someone for that kind of betrayal, Sidney had just known. He’d known that Snafu was the one who’d betrayed him in that way. So why was he suddenly so curious about it? He couldn’t say why he suddenly needed to know how many times and with who. As if that could help him make sense of why Eugene had forgiven him. Maybe if it had only been women? He thought to himself. Maybe then Eugene would have felt that, Snafu still desired women, he was just drawn to Eugene more, and Eugene could forgive that? Sid didn’t know. “I just don’t get it I guess. Why he trusts you, why he let you in. I used to really know him, you know? Now…” He shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s a stranger to me, and I guess blame you for that. So why you? You broke his trust, betrayed him, and he still chose you.” _Over us_ , he didn’t say.

 

Snafu leveled him with a glare. “Phillips, I’m not tha’ reason you don’t know him anymo’. That’s on you.” He pulled out another smoke, lit it, and offered the pack to Sid again. Sid accepted. “Look, I’m no head shrinker, Phillips. I can’t give ya whateva’ yer looking for.” He considered Sidney while he took a drag off his smoke. “But I can say, I don’t think I’m the one yer really pissed with. Like I said, it’s on you boy. He changed, and instead ah changin’ with ‘im and gettin’ ta know this new person yer so pissed about, you got all whiny about tha shit you din’t have anymo’.” He chuckled sardonically. “You were so focused on where he shoulda been and who he shoulda been that you din’t see where he was, and who he was...well that ain’t my problem Phillips.”

 

Sid was conflicted. On the one hand, he was furious, who the fuck did Snafu Shelton think he was? On the other hand, maybe Snafu Shelton was the guy who was right. “Maybe, but none of that would have happened if it weren’t for you!”

 

At this, Shelton burst out laughing and had to cover his mouth with his hand until he could stop. “Shit Phillips! If you think that’s true, you must think I’m some fucking lay to just turn a man queer.”

 

Sid furrowed his brow and stared at the cigarette in his hand. “I don’t get what you mean…” he said, looking up into Shelton’s face.

 

“Yes you do. You know exactly what I mean. You’d just ratha’ pretend that this is all my fault.” He tapped Sidney on the forehead. “Easier’n havin’ ta question all them good Sunday school stories you been taught.” He smiled, genuinely, and flicked his finished cigarette over the railing. “Gene gave you a choice Sid. I can’t say it was all that fair, an’ I always did tell ‘im not to make you and his family choose. Then again, you did push first, an’ you didn’t leave him much of a choice either. So, you make yer choice Sid.” With that said, Snafu turned and left, heading into his shared room with Eugene.

 

It was the longest conversation Sidney had ever had with Shelton. The most honest conversation too. He thought back to those first days after Eugene came home. He knew that it was difficult to readjust to life after coming home, but he was still hopeful that everything would go back to the way it had been. He had daydreams of him, Mary, and Eugene spending time together. Mary going on to Eugene about her plans for the wedding, Eugene smiling patiently and listening to every word. He imagined how Eugene would come and steal him away from the dreadful wedding planning and they’d run off and act like teenagers. They’d go to movies together, just the three of them, and eat popcorn and giggle and they’d forget the war and the terrible things they did and saw. Those things didn’t happen though. Eugene would spend days at a time by himself, wandering his parents estate. He fought Sid every time Sid would bring up a dance or gathering for the young people. He was always polite with Mary, but withdrawn, never engaging fully in conversation. Sid remembered those horrible months, watching Eugene slip away, and then he remembered when Eugene had shown up at his house, driving the noisiest, ugliest truck Sid had ever seen. Eugene’s eyes were alive, his laugh came more freely and his smile was sincere. Sidney remembered that that was the beginning of Eugene talking almost non-stop about his friend Snafu Shelton. At the time Sid had been slightly jealous - that this stranger had been able to bring Eugene out of the deep depression clouding his life - but mostly happy. Standing on that small ledge in Florida Sidney remembered a conversation he’d had with Shelton almost four years ago. He told Shelton how Eugene just needed to find a woman. He’d come home and found Mary, and she’d helped soothe his wounds, and now Eugene needed that. Now Sid realize he was wrong. He’d already started to get Eugene back, and that was thanks to Snafu, Gene hadn’t needed to find a girl to find his life again, he’d already started to find it. Snafu was right. Gene had gotten better and found new passions and dreams and it had happened all right in front of his face, but he was too busy being concerned about what he thought Eugene was missing out on to see it.

 

For the first time since he’d arrived, Sidney felt settled. Having made a decision, he closed the sliding doors to the balcony behind him and went to bed.

 

***

 

The next morning he was up before anyone else in the house. He sprang out of bed and hurried to the kitchen. He began rummaging through the contents of the cabinets before he realized, he had no idea what he was doing. He had never really cooked a day in his life, and he honestly wasn’t sure if he wanted to humiliate himself any further in front of Eugene and Shelton.

 

He was standing in the kitchen, debating what to do with himself when he heard the floor creak behind him.

 

“G’morning Phillips. Whatcha doin’?”

 

He turned around, “I was going to make breakfast for everyone.” He said sheepishly. “But I realized. I don’t have a clue how to do that.”

 

Shelton laughed. “Surely all yer schooling has prepared ya to make some toast at least!” Sidney blushed and shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Gene can barely cook too. I swear, you rich Southern boys wouldn’t last a day on yer own.”

 

He pushed passed Sidney and shooed him out of the kitchen and began collecting the things to make coffee. “No seriously, Shelton, I wanted to do something nice for you. Both of you.”

 

Shelton froze with his back to Sidney. “Well, if yer dead set on it, lemme at least make some coffee then you can take us for breakfast.” He apparently considered that settled and returned to the task at hand.

 

While the coffee was on the stove brewing, Sidney and Shelton had both returned to their rooms to get ready for the day. Sidney heard Eugene up and moving about, water running in the bathroom, the door next to his opening and closing, opening and closing. When he finally came out, both men were standing in the kitchen, dressed and ready for the day, and pouring themselves a mug of coffee. Eugene smiled at him and pushed a mug across the counter towards him. “I hear you’re taking us out. Breakfast is on you!”

 

Sidney nodded and took the offered mug. “Yea, but, before we go, there’s something I wanted to say.”

 

Eugene and Shelton exchanged a glance and Sidney saw Snafu turn to retrieve his cigarettes and give them some privacy. Sidney put his hand out and stopped Shelton as he tried to pass him. “No, I wanted to say it to the both of you.”

 

They exchanged another glance and then Eugene turned to him. “Alright Sid, what is it?”

 

Sid saw the look of apprehension on Eugene’s face and felt awful. Eugene was steeling himself for Sidney to say some truly awful things to him. Is that what all his silence had said to Eugene? That’s not what he’d wanted it to mean. He’d meant it to be...some sort of acceptance. He hated that Eugene could even think that he’d turn his back on him. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Both men stared at him, their faces a perfect picture of surprised. “I’ve been an idiot. Shelton, you were right.” Eugene smiled and cocked an eyebrow at Snafu. “I wasted so much time being wrapped up in myself, and my own stubbornness and blaming you for taking him away from us. I wasted all this time feeling like we’d lost you, Gene, and just wanted you to have what I have, and I didn’t even realize that you did.” Sidney blushed and ducked his face. This was the hardest thing he’d ever had to say. “I was so worried about what other people would think of you, and I didn’t even think about how I was making you feel. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

 

Eugene was stunned. This was more than he’d ever hoped for. “Are you…serious?”

 

Sidney nodded. “Yes. You’re my best friend. I know your heart, and it’s good, and I should never have cared about the rest.” Before he could even finish Eugene had covered the distance between them and thrown his arms around Sid’s neck. Both men felt like a weight had been lifted from them.

 

Behind them, Shelton coughed. “Alright well, if yer both done talking ‘bout yer feelings, can we go and get some chow? I believe there was talk of Dr.-to-be here payin’?”

 

Eugene drew back from Sidney and rolled his eyes. “Don’t mind Snafu. That’s his way of saying he’s glad you’ve come around.” Snafu glared at him but there was no real heat in it and Eugene reached out and took his hand in his own. “Alright, let’s go.”

 

***

 

By the time Sidney’s visit was at a close, and Eugene was dropping him off at the train station, he felt that a long open wound had finally closed. He had been reacquainted with his best friend, and it was true, he didn’t know Eugene better than anyone anymore. Eugene didn’t know him that way anymore either. Sidney took his seat on the train with a small smile on his lips. They both had partners, loves, who took those roles now. They both had someone in their lives who loved them more than anyone else, and Sidney was grateful. It had been a good vacation.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still more coming in this....series, or whatever you want to call it. This is just the end of Sid's visit. Cause I needed to fix some things, lol.

**Author's Note:**

> I have more tidbits possibly floating around but if this is total garbage then that settles that. But just a note that there may be more.
> 
> You can find my tumblr at zombieeme.tumblr.com for anyone who is interested.


End file.
